This letter can be very disturbing, or beneficial. Its what you make of it. I have no choice, but to write this letter to you. By the way, maybe you should change your yahoo and eBay passwords. Its not very comforting to know how you enjoy forwarding 69 joke’s to another person. Then again, I guess things of that nature do not bother me anymore. However, I am not going to lie, I do periodically peek into your email accounts. Its not nice, I know, and eventually I will stop, oops. Emails can be a good thing or a bad thing. Let’s hope this time it can be good.
I really never wanted to believe that you didn’t love me. I was living in pure denial. I know there are many things that I said and did to hurt you. It’s like I am on this roller coaster, half of me is wants to just jump out and forget everything- just start a new life. The other half wants to stay and figure out what went wrong. However, I am convinced you are happier when you are away from me- far away, like if you were here and I was in Japan- farrr. It hurts me inside, I try to fight it most of the time, and sometimes I get really weak. It really helps me see that you are a very strong person. I just hope I can be as strong. I don’t want to hate you, I never have. I just get really upset when you ignore my phone calls. It gets me more upset. Last night I tried to call you like 1000 times. Its some nights like those where I just want to hear your voice. Sometimes, I wonder who is it that’s treating you so well. No one knows how we both feel. I just hope that you can understand and continue Not to answer my calls. It kind of helps reality sink deeper into my thick brain. Your stubbornness and strength is helping me to move on. I don’t know how you do it, but I pray I can have the same strength. I have two things to say that is really going to Piss you off. I am sure you already are. Well for old times sakes “ I ‘M SORRY !” I am sure that doesn’t help. Ok, well….last night I was so upset you didn’t answer my call, I changed your password to your voicemail. I know I can hear you calling me all the bad names. I did it out of spite and I shouldn’t have. I promise you I will never log on to any of your accounts again. BTW, you can help me keep that promise by CHANGING your PASSWords Please ! I really don’t want to know who your with or who your talking to or who’s text messaging you. Honestly, I really don’t. All I am doing is hurting myself, when I find out. Ok- well half of me does want to know, but I don’t think that if I knew I’d feel any better. I admit, there are many sleepless nights for me, and I just want to cause trouble to pass the time. Another apology is for calling you so much last night ! I am sure as soon as I get my life back on track, I wont be such a bother, or as you call me a “distraction.” I need to work on my self control. That’s it.
I also want to let you know that I understood you; your dreams, hopes, thoughts, feelings, and etc. From the moment we met, I wanted to understand you. I never gave up no matter how difficult times were for me - at that time. Working two jobs, caring for my mom, and caring for my dying dad, I thought that was the toughest time ever. I saw strength in you. I remember visiting you at Ice. I will never forget the butterflies I felt in my tummy. I was really so into you. I remember when you went through a transition and your dad was in the hospital from the incident. I was there for you. There was nothing I wanted more in my life, but to see you happy again. I remember you invited me to the mall to see you, even though your mom hated me - at that time. I remember driving cars back n forth from the a. I remember you offering me money to help me pay for my dad’s funeral. You were there for me. I understood what you were fighting for, at that time. Even today, at this time, when many were against your decisions, I always supported you. Even if I knew your decision would hurt me, I would support you. I understood you from the beginning. I understand what upsets you. I understand what makes you smile. I understand what makes you proud. I understand what you wont accept. But none of this matters because finally, I understand that you will never understand me, because you never loved me enough to want to.
Its easy for you to label me as you wife. Now I am determined to let you know who I really am. IF you read on, it may upset you. The choice is yours. I need to let you know. If I do not, then I would only be letting myself down. This is something I will never do. I would rather tell you in person, but I am sure, I would be distracting you from your daily way of life. Soooo….Here it goes.
I am who I am. I enjoy fun times alone, with others, and especially with C. I do my best to satisfy others to keep peace everywhere, even in my heart. I do my best to not talk badly about others, even though they hurt me. I like to explore things indoors and outdoors, rain or shine. When I am able, I enjoy helping others. I can be a nag at all times. I can be witty and say hurtful things- I really don’t mean them. I can complain for just about anything- all the time. But, I love to talk, walk, and simply be with God. I try to respect others and love to receive the respect in return. I love to cook- thought I don’t do it that often. I feel that I am smarter than others, but not as smart as some. I love to pray, together or alone, even though I do not do it daily. I love to be determined, whenever I have a goal. I do not give up, unless I know I won. I love to give and receive. I love to live life with laughter and listening- I don’t receive much of either. I also am a person with many fears. Some of these fears I have overcome, some I have yet to conquer. Most of all, I am determined to be understood by those who love me, and those who do not.
In my life, before we had C, I had only two fears. One, the inevitable, fear of mine was to be rejected from heaven - God’s Love. My second Biggest fear was to be alone. God is very loving and forgiving. I knew if I did right according to His will, I should be okay. However, loneliness is suicidal. Oh how I hated the thought of being alone. Sleeping alone at night was the toughest. Being alone in a silent house- sooo scary. However, loneliness never abandoned me. Especially, these past three and a half years. I tried many things to fight my loneliness- support groups, church groups, reading, well basically anything- nothing worked. Trying to keep busy isn’t always easy when you do not feel needed anywhere.
My most loneliest time was when we were trying to have C. You know what happened, I don’t even want to remember it. Finally C was arriving. Being in a bed with no TV, no sound, Pure silence, for six months, WAS HARD! I am thankful, I managed to pull out of it when C arrived in our world. After we brought her home, I didn’t feel lonely at all. I was so busy doing my best to make sure she was happy and healthy. It was the best time of my life. She’s two now, WOW. She is a little person with her own strengths and fears. She has likes and dislikes. Many times I want to call to just to get advice. I know you will say your busy. So I just don’t call. That’s something I will never understand … why you have 20 minutes to an hour a day, to go to lunch or talk on the phone with other guys and Gals. But you do not have any time for me or C- your family. The people who really should matter to you. Your Family, if not me then YOUR DAUGHTER at most. Your daughter thinks you can walk on water. She Idols you. She talks about you 10000000000000000000000 times a day. Wondering where you are. Why your never around. She is too young to understand what money is. She is two, all she wants is to hold your hand and walk in a circle or even dance. She only wants a dad. It kills me inside to see her yearn for your LOVE and attention, and you don’t know that. She can care less about what she wears or how she wears it. She just wants you. Your heart. Please do not be upset if we fall apart. We both desired the same thing. Your Love. Your Attention. This is something you can give to others, but you can not give to us, more on my part. I accept that. I can go on. I can not speak for C. I pray that she can be as strong you. Only time will tell how she will be. As of now, because I am with her every day. Emotionally, she is very insecure. I am sure this will never stop. If she doesn’t get love from you, she will look somewhere else. It’s a natural thing. All women need attention from a man. Yes, even lesbians. On my own I can do so much. There’s one thing I can not do- replace her father. No one can be her father but you. If she never has time with you, I am sure she will give up on you. She is not looking for money, she is looking for love. Did you ever see a man and his child? Would you still love your dad if he was broke? Would you like it if your dad called you just to say “hi.” Wouldn’t you love it if you can be alone with your mom enjoying laughter all day. Would you take a day of laughter or $10000.00. I know C, she would rather laugh with you. No matter what, I will not be able to give her a father’s love. Its extremely hard to raise her on my own. I know you know that. Loneliness visits me again.
I have met my two biggest fears. One is in Gods care. The other has really been good for me. I opened my heart to loneliness. I embraced it, and accepted the fact that it will never leave me. For the sake of my life and C’s, I overcame it. I am no longer afraid to be alone. There is nothing more that I want, but to show C how to conquer our fears. But first we must embrace it. This relationship strengthened my inner self. I am no longer afraid to see the world in my own eyes. I am ready and willing to conquer anything. It feels good to no longer be afraid of anything, but God. I am actually happier, finally.
It doesn’t matter how long we have been together, or who’s done what. Or even what I wear. Nothing can change the fact that we got married through a unity by the Holy Trinity. We have come to a point where, its really hard for us to stay next to each other without being upset. I am convinced that in one to ten years from now, I will not be the one who you are going to be sleeping with at night. I do feel you will not be happy, but you will deal with it. We both know our feelings for one another have dramatically changed. Lately we have addressed it the best way we can. No matter how we decide to live our lives - together or separate. Divorced or not, we will never get along. I have thought about this since C was born. I am not upset about it anymore. I do get weak and just want to run in your arms and rest on your chest, but I know its not my place anymore. I really want to move forward, for me it‘s not easy. I am really looking forward to each day as it comes, to see how things will be.
Again, whether we are together or separate, our feelings will always be apart. It may seem good to stay together for the sake of C. But feelings do not lie. C will mature and find it strange mom and dad never go out. Never sleep together. Never eat together. Never talk to each other. When she makes friends, she will see her friend’s parents actually talk to each other. She will feel left out. It will be hard for her to make friends. She may be embarrassed, at school, when there is a father and daughter day at school, and your not there because of work. She may just want to give up. Maybe when she becomes a woman, she will fall for any guy that gives her attention or that can treat her like crap. Then how can we blame her. She had no examples of love in her life. Even church will be hard for her, let alone she is not fully E, but from a broken home, too? I know her life will be nothing but tough. She has no idea what a family should be like. As her mom, I will never blame her for anything. We brought her into this world. God borrowed my womb and your sperm to create her. She survived, therefore she has a purpose to live God’s Will. I can go on with “what if’s” and worry forever. That’s my job as her mom. We do not know what type of person she will marry, or even want to marry at all.. As her mom, I do not want to live a lie in front of her. I have always been honest to her. When the situation was good or bad, I have always been honest to her. If we really live separate, like we already feel. She may be strong and embrace it. God willing, time will heal her wounds. There are many children from divorced homes. She will not feel alone. Her possibilities are limitless. I know I will do my best to explain to her that love does exist and there are families who actually spend time together, we just aren’t one of them. I will always reassure her that it wasn’t her fault that our family turned out this way. I am sure she will end up blaming herself. This is what most children do. I will live my life as an example for her to be a strong woman.
I plan to return to school in the summer or fall. I will probably take out loans. I want to let you know because it will appear on my credit. I do not want anything to affect your credit. I am not sure how it works, but whatever I have to sign to make sure your credit is not affected, I will do so immediately. I may work part times as well. I would like to have C at the preschool at the school where I attend, to be close to her, I am sure you prefer otherwise. I am not sure what school I am going to attend. It depends on our living situation. No matter what happens, Please do not take C and deprive her from me. I will never do that to you. I just feel that we really need to address this. Its time for us to somehow move on. Let us make a reasonable decision, go forward without looking back. Whenever we look back, let it only reflect upon C. What we had, should have never existed. We are two different people in two different worlds with only one eternal connection - C.
Plz Be Sincere, your opinion is needed on this letter to my husband.?
Youre letter almost made me cry. I agree with whoever said to not tell him about the snooping, thats something that you need to stop doing on your own. If you tell him this in the letter, its only going to make him angry. The purpose of this letter is to somehow resolve all the problems that have been building up over the years and move on- thats only going to cause a whole new set of problems. Its going to be difficult to explain that to him seeing how youve already changed his voicemail password. Beyond that, I have to say Im proud of you for not just staying together for the sake of your daughter. And as far as that goes, it seems like you really do have a good idea as to what sort of example you want to set for your daughter as shes growing up. And I praise you for the honesty you plan on giving her. You've stated everything in your letter very well, however, if you do want your husband to be mature about this whole situation then you are going to need to stop calling him as much as you said you were. Perhaps he would pick up if you werent calling him so many times. This letter was very touching and came off as very genuine, I especially liked the way you reminiced on the good times- it really helped to show how things werent always the way they are now. And how you really did understand your husband to the fullest and appreciated all the times he was there for you. I hope this letter helps to resolve the issues still lingering between you and your husband and I wish you and your daughter the best of luck and a life full of happiness. Keep your head up throughout these tough times for the sake of your daughters happiness, shes young but Im sure she notices more than you may think she does. Again, Good Luck.
Plz Be Sincere, your opinion is needed on this letter to my husband.?
My sister went through a similar thing recently, she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and she just had his baby, she went through his emails and found out he has tons of women.
Report Abuse
It's a horrible thing some men and even women in some cases have. My dad cheated on my mom but he then realized family was more important so they stayed together. I wish they divorced
Report Abuse
Don't ever stay together for the kids, stay a STRONG woman, love your daughter and she will grow strong too, get her to socialize with families and bring friends over often so she can grow up loved and feel loved.
Report Abuse
I assume you're writing this letter because you can't talk to him in person or on the phone.
If you're headed to divorce, I highly recommend not telling him you were snooping. Have some self-restraint and stop logging in to his accounts. I also think the endless paragraphs about your daughter being messed up for life because of a bad relationship between her parents are unnecessary.
Sit down and ask yourself why you're writing, then edit as necessary.
Do you realize how bad putting this on the internet can be towards your divorce? Stay out of his personal accounts. The two of you are obviously done. Dont use C as a pawn. Get some therapy for yourself and move on. Strive to be a good mom and human being. Put this in the past.
burn this letter, then start over with your thoughts, don't tell him about your snooping, quit bringing your daughter into it (he already knows all that), let him know how you feel and see where it goes from there.
This is not required.Quite %26amp; be happy.Pray for God to help you.Wish u all the best.
C,
I have read this letter and it breaks my heart to read this. I applaud you on being mature where most women would not be. You are also an understanding mother. About changing his passwords, that was kinda mean. I am not without fault on reading but not changing passwords. That just states that you still love R very much. Part of you always will when you have a child with someone. You as a person need to heal yourself and listen to Whitney Houston's Greatest Love of All. Everything has a shelf life and I see the relation of what you and I are going through. School is a good choice for you. Financial aid only affects your credit. If you sign a promissary note (student loans) that is on you. You just have to thank God and count the joys in your life, especially your child. You worked so hard to have her, so she means so much more. Keep yourself busy and keep going. Relationships are hard enough, then when it feels like it's ending you want to just lay down and cry. Reading his mails really only hurt you. It's probably not who he is talking to but the fact he has no time for his family. Please stop reading them! I'm sorry things are the way they are. But hold your head up and remember you are fabulous. Concentrate on you and your daughter. You have the right path just follow it. Stay out of his emails. Your letter explains enough. It is mature to a point.
